the process of letting go gradually

Monday 5th May

On Saturday I told one of the allotmenteers that I will be handing over my allotment tenancy mid August. Yesterday one of my friends called for a cup of tea and asked about it – it seems a group of her friends, living nearby, on hearing that we’re leaving, would like to take it on. I’m asking myself why this feels uncomfortable and I’m thinking it’s because letting go is a painful though necessary process.

The pair of robins that usually appear when I’m digging are inspecting the patch I’ve just turned over and there’s a big fat bee sucking on my blackcurrant flowers.

I’d planned to be here all day yesterday but it rained incessantly all day, as a result today is moist and misty but warm, very warm in comparison to recent weather – there was a frost last week.

Letting go seems to be my current theme, the hardest of all being the death of my friend in Cornwall. However, the burial we organised in the corner of a friend’s field, in an adapted crate was I think what he’d have wanted. The only real expense was the cost of the Death Certificate, everything else was DIY, even to my friend collecting him from the mortuary in her landrover. Filling in the grave after he was placed into it by his friends was a profound priviledge.

Sunday 11th May

5pm – I’ve not been here long, it’s such a hot day I thought I wouldn’t survive digging through it. Now there is shade where I am digging for my runner bean bed. The ground is extremely dry though and hard, we could do with some rain.

A robin has just realised it’s my tea break and has dropped into where I’ve been digging for its usual snack.

After consulting with various neighbours, allotment and otherwise, I went to see the allotment landlord to talk about my handing over the plot. We discussed it being divided and I gave him the names of some of the people who’ve expressed an interest. He said he has more of a list than usual, which he puts down to people being concerned about the rising cost of food. He suggested I don’t hand over until 29th September as this marks the half-year of my tenancy and that since my rent is paid until March I’d be entitled to keep it until then and thus benefit from the harvest. He also suggested I could mark out a section to keep until it’s convenient to move out. This had me thinking and I’m going to suggest that the plot is divided into three and that I keep the middle third for the time being, justified by two daughters and my parents being nearby and whom I will be regularly visiting. I will then relinquish it if or when it becomes burdensome. If my landlord agrees to this proposition I will keep my shed here after all.

Monday 19th May

There’s reading and writing to be done, let alone sorting and clearing for our move in August. So I’m here just to touch base, water the in-shed seedlings and my neighbours, discuss this morning’s frost with the man I’ve planted runner beans for and document photographically what’s been going on here. So, it’s quite an objective, detached response today.