Absent-minded pondering

I do seem to be becoming absent-minded - just started pouring boiling water into an empty coffee filter then heard myself self-reprimanding out loud. I know I talk to myself quite a bit these days, often when I'm walking in the park where having the dog with me provides an excuse, or at least I like to think it does.

I have a resistance to anyone telling me how to contemplate or meditate. I used to put my resistance down to my mother, a yoga teacher, trying to make me 'salute the sun' in a morning when I was a teenager. In fact I think it's more to do with knowing or having known at a very young age, inherently, how to do these things without someone else's instruction but it having slipped out of focus. I was alone a lot as a child and lived pretty much in my own world of daydreams. I used to make things, dens and shelters, intimate environments in which to practice the art of daydreaming.

As I’m sitting here quietly I’ve been joined by what I now see to be a female blackbird that is rustling about in the peas in front of me. So, this is the visitor who’s been emptying some of my pea pods. It’s gratifying to think that I’m providing a meal for others as well as myself.

I’ve lopped several big branches off one of my elders to encourage it to grow closer to the ground so I can reach its flowers and fruit. I broke up the branches and twigs and added them to the pile that I have created as a small wildlife shelter.

It’s now overcast and a proliferation of midges have appeared so I’m beating a hasty retreat!